To Indian Parents, from an Indian Daughter…

Ever since a girl is born, the dream of getting married is cultivated in her. The feeling grows with her that one day she would have a life of her own and have a life like that of her parents. In India, It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that the word ‘marriage’ in many languages is the first word the child learns after Mummy and Papa. For some the experience is everlasting while for others it becomes a nightmare.

For an Indian the word Marriage is a matter of karmic destiny. Arranged marriages in India is a trend being followed since ages wherein the parents decide with whom should their children be spending the rest of their lives, without having known that person.

I came across a foreign national a few days back who started this conversation and gained my attention on the seriousness of this strange scenario that I never thought of before. To a large extent his views on this tradition seemed right and influenced me to think and write about it. “I have only seen this in your country that people get married without knowing each other, this is strange”, the foreigner said and continued,  “Marriage is for happiness and not for compromises”. At first his words instigated, however, as and when he started to elaborate his views I bought his points and he actually changed my perception towards this tradition, which I thought was right earlier.

Trends have certainly changed in India over the years however, a major part of the population in India still believes in this tradition that has resulted in an increased rate of Divorces in India. Here another emphasis is not on “Love marriages” because we have seen separations happening in many successful love marriages too but the ratio is less in comparison to “Estranged marriages”.

But like everything, arranged marriages have both pros and cons. On one hand, in arranged marriages there are lesser ego related issues. However, nothing in this world comes for free and one does not understand this unless they are made to “PAY”. The whole idea of arranged marriages also draws my attention to the cause of other problems faced by people in India. Parents dedicate half of their lives in raising their children, giving them best of education and living and spend the other half searching for prospective brides and grooms for their sons and daughters. This forces me to highlight the issues like caste system, dowry-deaths, suicides, cyber crimes through matrimonial websites and so on. The list is never ending. The biggest threat that arranged marriages face is that if either the boy or the girl is not ready for the marriage, it can lead to serious trouble. This may even cause resentment and emotional setback for both of them. Moreover, such a situation can even make a person get avert to the idea of marriage itself. The main reason behind such a condition is pressure from the family and parents. Thus, parents should understand that in lieu of being over authoritative they could ruin their children's life forever.

If one goes by the statistics, 69% marriages are still arranged in India. Arranged marriages also call for huge ceremonial dramas and unnecessary waste of money wherein the bride’s family are the givers while the groom’s family are the takers. Its been quite unfortunate for the Indian society to think that giving dowry in the form of cash, gifts, ornaments etc. ensures a happy, long and ‘respectable’ life for their daughters, while the irony is that giving dowry invites more expectations and greed from groom’s family. Statistics show that over the years, the wedding arrangements from both the parties are being done to have upper hand in the society. While, it should have been done for the happiness of both bride and groom and for their good future. It has often been seen that families also take loans from banks and even mortgage their properties to make wedding arrangements. Such is the mentality of the Indian society and its extremely sad.

Marriage is a sacred bond that is meant for the union of two people who decide to stay together in a commitment for their entire life despite of all odds from their families, however, Indian society has changed the literal meaning of marriage wherein not only two people but their whole families get married to each other to flaunt their social and financial status in the society.

However, we are not saying that the concept of arranged marriages is bad if it involves lesser drama and promotes better understanding between the consenting adults in terms of mental, physical and emotional considerations. In fact, arranged marriages also have benefits. There is reduction of incompatibilities - same religion, caste, dietary preference, linguistic group, socioeconomic background, etc. Following one's head is often wiser than following one's heart - love can just be an infatuation. Low expectations- neither spouse knows exactly what to expect, so they are often pleasantly surprised by how good their marriage is.

To conclude, I would repeat, “Marriage is for happiness and not for compromises”. With changing concepts of society, added stress and the changing role of the Indian Women, marriage in itself has become more of a challenge than ever. Marriage like two sides of a coin comes with advantages and disadvantages. These are not only dependent on the marriage types but the partners as well. Parents should also understand that they are not living in the savage age and should accept that their children are literate and mature enough to choose their life partners. Parents should show enough confidence in their children that they have given them best of morals and values and a good upbringing that will help them to take right decisions in life.

Headlines: -

1.  What it’s really like to have an Estranged Marriage…

      2.  Modern Indian Men and Women Struggle with Arranged Marriages.

      3.  Arranged Marriages In India – A Bliss or a Curse?

      4.  To Indian Parents, from an Indian Daughter…

      5.  Arranged Marriages – Unison of Families or Individuals?

      6.  Marriages in India – For Happiness or a Compromise?